All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
