3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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