yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
should my penis look like a turkey
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
