It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
