Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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