So drunk its hurt
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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