Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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