Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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