haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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