Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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