Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
