so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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