Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
