He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
