The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize