The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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