When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
