Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
