the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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