it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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