i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
