I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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