Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
