you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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