i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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