What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Piatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize