Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
