I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
