I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
