i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
