I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
