just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
