my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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