and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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