I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
