MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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