I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
false alarm, still single
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize