i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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