I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
