Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
