Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
