dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
