aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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