I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize