after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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