Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
