ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
