I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
