belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
