a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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