this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize