Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
