this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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