I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
