There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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