Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize