I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and she was petting her beer can
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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