there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize