I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
