She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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