What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
