I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
