after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
