So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
