you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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