if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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