If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
