Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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