I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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