CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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