I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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