and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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