you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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