I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
