So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
