Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
