I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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