I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
