I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
