I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
