We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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