Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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