I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
