just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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