he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
