it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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