thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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