If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
