After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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