if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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