i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize