You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
