just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
