It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
