She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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