Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
