I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she looked like the before picture.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
