You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
