omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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