pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
