all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
