i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
