bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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