dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i think i have herpe
just one?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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