My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
