if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Farmville is her only friend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize