I molested 6 butterflies tonight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
