The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
