I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel great
I just peed on a car
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
