last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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