Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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