dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
