turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
